Saturday, 28 September 2019

My mum


Taken at Greatwood camp, my younger sister Lena (short hair) was at camp,
 I think I'm 11 so taken in 1965/66
None of these photo's are new to this blog, I post photo's each July on her birthday, she is a woman who I will never forget and always miss. One of the last posh photo's taken in 1999.
  We grew up in a small village in Somerset, I was the 6th child of 9 children, 6 boys and 3 girls, also in our home was my mum's brother John, so a household of 12. This being the last family photo, taken in 1986, my dad passed away not long after. 
My memories are through the 60's and 70's, I left home in 1973, I married at 18.

My mum was a hard worker, our home was always clean and tidy, food was always provided, some days without meat, but we never went hungry. To this day I can recall mum looking in the larder, often on a Thursday, the day before my dad got paid (payday was weekly), seeing very little and then making a meal out of it. She was a great cook as was so many of our mum's, I watched her add whatever was to hand to create tasty pies and stews. I saw her make batter to dip Spam in to make them bigger and to make a tin go further than it should.
I loved Sunday's, always a roast dinner and a proper tea at 5pm, we loved her cakes and trifles, she always made more than one cake, with so many people to feed, one would never be enough. We always looked forward to Monday left overs, she did so many things with left overs.
My dad spent his time in the garden growing the veg she required, he did nothing in the house, a typical family home in 60's. He only grew one type of flower, daisies, his thoughts were grow to eat. The front garden was mum's place, we always had beautiful flowers, I loved the peonies each spring, the plant is now in my garden. I get my love of gardening from her, she would snip cuttings and watch them grow.
I went to the village school until aged 11 and never thought about my mum's role, she made our lunch at 12 each day, after school she was home waiting for us, I walked to school with my elder brother Martin, later I walked my younger siblings to school with me.
In senior school comments made by teachers, opened my eyes to how good she was, you could see they thought we should be dirty and wild. The school was new so the teachers had no history of any of our families.
They had no spare money, we were not poor, we had a home, food warmth and love, birthdays always there was cake and a present, no parties, just a family tea. Christmas was magical, decorations put up about 10 days before the big day, the house smelt of spices and we had loads of food, mostly home made and gifts.
My mum was able to make our clothes, she knitted all our school jumpers, but she was a brilliant seamstress, I remember my starting senior school, I had a new blazer, but it belonged to my older brother who left school a couple months before. she took it apart and remade it, ensuring the buttons were on the correct side, all sewn by hand and looking the same as everyone else's. Often she would take apart clothes to remake them, everything was used.
We always looked clean and tidy, it was not worth the anger from my mum for us to go out looking scruffy, she was proud of her family. She installed pride in each of us.
She did all the decorating in the house, I can remember watching her wallpaper and paint, and of course making curtains.
I got the love of sewing from her, as a child I would watch her make loose covers for chairs and sofa's, always stitching by hand, she never used a sewing machine, she would drape the fabric, pin and cut, then stitch. I was often give the scraps to make dolls clothes, but quickly made other things for my dolls, each one had a sleeping bag. Clothes was made similar, she would use a dress too small as a template for a larger dress, skirts she would just look at me and cut out material.
I don't think I fully understood my mum until I had children of my own, I had always loved her, she did everything for us, never my best friend, but always there offering words of support or encouragement. She became a truly perfect Nan for my daughters, she had loads of time for them, they both still love and miss her, I often hear, 'I wish my child could have known her'. She passed away in 2005, Josh our oldest grandson had just been born.
Life was not perfect, but she made it as good as it could be, she was not a cuddly mum, she was always busy, but she listened, helped and supported each of us, and it felt as if she was just for you at the time.
She was so strong when my 1st marriage broke down (youngest was a tiny baby at the time) and the divorce which followed, I married young and was the 1st in the family to divorce, she did not understand it, but helped in loads of ways.
I can remember when passing my driving test (1st female in the family to do so), I took her out she was scared and excited, but soon we were making trips everywhere.
We would pick her up for a weekend visit, and she would stay 2 weeks, always over packing and never wanting to leave our happy little family. When we spoke on the phone, I loved she would have conversations with both daughters, who would wait to speak to her even when they were teenagers.
My mum was special to me, she helped create my personality, I became strong because of her, I am told my attitude is the same as hers, which pleases me. Kev my hubby, loved her, she was such fun to be around, she was very old fashioned, and yet so modern in her ways and outlooks, one of her favourite sayings was she was born to early, she would have loved to live in our times, the opportunities we have, the adventures, I never heard her say she regretted her life, she had always wanted a big family, but then she always looked forward.
I could go on forever, remembering her, she did have a temper, and when she was angry we kept out of the way, as children do, it never lasted long. She disciplined us all, even my brothers, at what ever age we were, we all always respected her word.
Can you tell me about your amazing mum. 

7 comments:

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  2. What a lovely relationship you had with your Mum.
    My Mum was always sad and always doing housework.There was no encouragement for anything we did well just annoyance when we did anything she didn't agree with.
    She suffered with Rheumatoid arthritis for 20 years, was chair bound for the last 5 and had breast cancer but wouldn't have any treatment for it.
    So very few happy memories

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  3. What a beautiful tribute to your mum. My mum was a mum to three girls, one by her first marriage which wasn't an easy one, and two by my dad. (That marriage wasn't always easy either!) After I started school, (I was the youngest) my mum returned to work and worked full time for the duration of my childhood. Weekends she spent food shopping in the village and doing the washing in an old top loader and then spinning the clothes and hanging them out on the line. In later years, she would take it all to the launderette on Saturday afternoons and then visit my nana or my eldest sister, whilst she was waiting for it to finish. I would often go with her. My mum was probably the main breadwinner with the most secure job, as my dad worked in the shipbuilding industry and was often laid off and out of work for months at a time as we grew older. I missed her being at home when I got in from school and her being able to attend sports days, but I didn't know any better really and she did come to all of the meetings with teachers. We would mostly stay with neighbours after school and then later my older sisters would be charged with my care. I was often out and down at the park playing with friends or whoever was around, so I had a very free childhood and learned to be very sociable, independent and self reliant. Like your mum, my mum sewed in her spare time and knitted and would make us clothes sometimes. We were likewise turned out well. My mum was very strong and hated anyone to treat us badly. I could tell just by a look that she gave me, if she approved of a boyfriend or not. She had a great sense of humour and we would chuckle a lot as a family whilst watching TV. I never really got to know her as a friend, as she kept her cards very close to her chest. She died of breast cancer shortly after retiring from work, when I was 25 and starting university. I think she was proud of me for going. My sisters who had left home by then managed to spend more one on one time with her before she died, but she never did get to see any of her grandchildren which saddens me to this day. I still feel very robbed, but my experience led to my staying at home to spend as much time as I could with my daughter. We wouldn't have had the upbringing we had in a nice village, if it hadn't been for mum working. Besides, she loved her job and it was important to her, so I would never begrudge her the joy it brought her, especially when times were difficult, which I won't talk about here. The church was full of her friends and colleagues at her funeral. I think she was very well regarded by everyone who knew her. I still talk to her sometimes and wonder what she would think of today's world with mobile phones and computers. I'm sure she would have loved all the new technology and would be engaging in all of it. I miss her a lot. I still believe she is around me in spirit and has helped me through some very difficult times. It may sound crazy, but it's how I feel.

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    Replies
    1. Each morning when my mum was older, I would fax her a hand written note, she loved it, whilst never understanding how it worked.

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  4. This is such a lovely post. I really enjoyed reading it. When I was little I always remember my Mum singing and dancing in the house. It was so happy. I thought everybodys Mum sang until I realise now that I am one of the few of my age who know word for word the songs from the 40s and 50s.

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  5. What a lovely tribute to your mum and I can identify with your upbringing though there were only three children in our family - so quite small compared to yours.
    My mum is still going strong and will be 94 in January. I think we might even be all together for Christmas - sadly without dad - but if we are mum will love it, she likes us all to be together.

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